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如果你是雅思考官，這篇我寫的雅思作文根據照片中的題目去評估大概是多少分? 根據文章切題性、連貫性及連...

创建于：2025年3月13日

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问题

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如果你是雅思考官，這篇我寫的雅思作文根據照片中的題目去評估大概是多少分? 根據文章切題性、連貫性及連結性、詞彙豐富度、文法多樣性及準確性，在第一個區塊提出逐一詳細的建議與總結。
將所有改進後的單字寫出來，隨附範例句，這裡的內容以第二區塊寫出。
將所有改進後的片語寫出來，隨附範例句，這裡的內容以第三區塊寫出。
將所有改進後的文章上下文邏輯寫出來，隨附範例句，這裡的內容以第四區塊寫出。
將所有改進後的流暢性寫出來，隨附範例句，這裡的內容以第五區塊寫出。
根據此題型再提供更多高分字彙或片語與例句，以延伸詞彙量，這裡的內容以第六區塊寫出。
從IELTS考官角度給予段落與段落之間的最佳銜接句範例，提升連貫性，這裡的內容以第七區塊寫出。
提供我更多關於比較地圖題型的固定搭配用語，以強化寫作專門性，這裡的內容以第八區塊寫出。
寫出我文章內的所有的錯誤文法，修改成正確的文法放在隔壁，並詳細解釋為什麼錯誤及改正原因，然後再附上範例句，在第九區塊寫出來。
我想要作文目標分數可以達成至少要6.5的成績，根據我原本的作文以不變動原意進行你上面的改進的建議去修改及擴充，並在第十區塊寫出來。
最後，以上是我對有cotemplative能力的llm提出的指令去改善我的雅思作文，這樣指令的邏輯是否會有幫助以繁體中文為母語的我提高成績呢? 如果是以語言學的角度去給建議，那又會是什麼呢? 有什麼指令與有cotemplative能力的llm溝通後更可以改善我的雅思作文成績呢? 我寫的指令，你有沒有疑惑或覺得模糊之處，我要怎麼表達才能你更好理解? 這裡的內容以第十一區塊寫出。

The diagram shows the four stages in total to produce yogurt.
Overall, it is clear that to make yogurt, what we need which is to
follow the order from step one to step three. And then the final
phase is preparing cool down yogurt to packing.
Looking the diagram more closely, one can see that pouring
down stabilizers, dry milk, sugar into the milk and heating to 85
celsius in the hygienic stainless steel vessel would be the first
stage. Following to the second process, ‘homogenization’,
cool the early stage of mixture of yogurt to 42 celsius. In the
third step, adding the cultures, stiring the mixture and the
temperature of yogurt which stops at 7 celsius is called
‘formentation’. Finally, pack the yogurt into the lines of glass
bottles. As we see, those are the whole process to produce
yogurt.

思考

Reasoned about IELTS essay improvement for 20 seconds

回答

第一區塊：以IELTS考官角度的評估與建議
以下評估主要根據IELTS Writing Task 1的評分標準：

  1. 切題性(Task Achievement)

    • 文章有明確描述製作優格的主要步驟，且整體步驟順序正確，但細節上可以更加豐富，包括各步驟之間的條件、溫度變化與過程原因。
    • 建議多運用被動語態或適度增加細節(例如「為什麼要降溫到42°C」、「為何添加穩定劑」)，並在描述過程時多使用連接詞、從屬子句來增強敘述的完整度。

  2. 連貫性與連結性(Cohesion and Coherence)

    • 文章的段落切分尚可，但可以更明確區分「整體概述段」(overall) 與「細節敘述段」。
    • 建議增強段落之間與句子之間的銜接詞，例如「Initially」「Next」「Then」「After that」「Finally」等，以維持流程描述的流暢度。

  3. 詞彙多樣性(Lexical Resource)

    • 目前詞彙整體偏基礎，但已包含「stabilizers」「fermentation」等過程單字。
    • 建議可以加入更多描述流程的動詞(如“combine,” “blend,” “incorporate,” “transfer”)，以及更精準的形容詞或副詞(如“thoroughly,” “properly,” “carefully”)，並避免重複使用相同詞彙。

  4. 文法多樣性及準確性(Grammatical Range and Accuracy)

    • 有一些時態與拼字、用法上的錯誤，例如“formentation”應為“fermentation”、部分地方需要增加介系詞(“looking at the diagram”).
    • 建議適度運用被動語態(“The mixture is heated to 85°C.”)及名詞子句，以展現更高的文法能力。

  5. 總結

    • 此文大致在5.5～6.0分之間(根據整體觀感、詞彙與文法的使用)。若想達到6.5分，需在用字、句式以及描述細節的完整度上做加強，並提升連貫表達。

第二區塊：改進後的單字(含範例句)
以下為可優化的單字與範例：

  1. Pasteurize (動詞：殺菌，加熱殺菌)
    • 範例句：“Milk is often pasteurized before being used to produce yogurt.”
  2. Homogenize (動詞：使均質化)
    • 範例句：“The mixture is homogenized to ensure a smooth consistency.”
  3. Fermentation (名詞：發酵)
    • 範例句：“Fermentation is a crucial step in developing yogurt’s distinctive taste.”
  4. Incorporate (動詞：混合、融合)
    • 範例句：“Sugar, stabilizers, and other ingredients are incorporated into the heated milk.”
  5. Temperature (名詞：溫度)
    • 範例句：“Maintaining the correct temperature is essential for proper yogurt formation.”
  6. Stabilizer (名詞：穩定劑)
    • 範例句：“A stabilizer helps the yogurt maintain a consistent texture.”
  7. Consistent (形容詞：一致的、穩定的)
    • 範例句：“All ingredients must be blended thoroughly to achieve a consistent final product.”
  8. Eventually (副詞：最終)
    • 範例句：“The yogurt is eventually cooled down and packaged into containers.”

第三區塊：改進後的片語(含範例句)

  1. “Cool down to…”
    • 範例句：“After pasteurization, the mixture is cooled down to 42°C.”
  2. “Be transferred into…”
    • 範例句：“The cultured mixture is transferred into containers for fermentation.”
  3. “Play a crucial role in…”
    • 範例句：“Stabilizers play a crucial role in maintaining the yogurt’s texture.”
  4. “Under controlled conditions”
    • 範例句：“The fermentation process occurs under controlled conditions to ensure product safety.”
  5. “At this stage”
    • 範例句：“At this stage, the culture is added to allow bacteria to develop.”
  6. “Final stage of the process”
    • 範例句：“Packaging is the final stage of the process, ensuring the product is ready for shipment.”
  7. “Subsequently”
    • 範例句：“The mixture is heated to 85°C, and subsequently, it undergoes homogenization.”

第四區塊：改進後的文章上下文邏輯(含範例句)

  1. 總敘(Overall) → 主要步驟細節 → 收尾 的邏輯脈絡：

    • 總敘 (Overall)
      • 範例句：“Overall, the process of manufacturing yogurt involves four distinct stages, beginning with pasteurization and ending with packaging.”
    • 主要步驟細節
      1. 頭段描述前兩步：“Initially, milk, sugar, and stabilizers are combined and heated.”
      2. 中段描述後續步驟：“Next, the mixture is cooled and homogenized, then culture is introduced.”
    • 收尾
      • 範例句：“Finally, once the yogurt has completed fermentation, it is packaged and becomes ready for distribution.”

  2. 在每個段落開頭標明階段，並使用相互銜接的連接詞(Initially, Then, After that, Finally)等，能讓整篇文章段落分明、條理清晰。

第五區塊：改進後的流暢性(含範例句)

  1. 使用被動語態增進流程感
    • 範例句：“The mixture is stirred continuously to ensure all ingredients are evenly distributed.”
  2. 使用指示代名詞或副詞銜接
    • 範例句：“This ensures that the bacteria develop correctly. Thereafter, the yogurt is cooled further.”
  3. 多樣化的連接詞
    • 範例句：“Moreover, keeping the mixture at an optimal temperature is vital for proper fermentation.”

第六區塊：更多高分字彙或片語與例句

  1. “Undergo a series of…”
    • 範例句：“To produce yogurt, milk must undergo a series of heating and cooling procedures.”
  2. “Subsequent cooling”
    • 範例句：“After pasteurization, subsequent cooling is crucial to prevent bacterial overgrowth.”
  3. “Sterile environment”
    • 範例句：“All processes should be carried out in a sterile environment to maintain hygiene standards.”
  4. “Fully integrated”
    • 範例句：“The stabilizers and dry milk must be fully integrated into the liquid mixture before fermentation.”
  5. “Retain its quality”
    • 範例句：“Proper packaging helps the yogurt retain its quality during transportation.”
  6. “Ensure consistency”
    • 範例句：“Homogenization is performed to ensure consistency in texture and taste.”

第七區塊：段落與段落之間的最佳銜接句範例

  1. “Moving on to the next stage, …”
  2. “In the subsequent phase, …”
  3. “Following this, …”
  4. “As soon as the mixture reaches the desired temperature, …”
  5. “Once this procedure is complete, …”
  6. “At this point, …”

這些銜接句可用於分段描述流程時，使整篇文章的段落接續更順暢。

第八區塊：比較地圖題型的固定搭配用語
雖然此題非「地圖比較題」，但若要增強寫作「比較地圖題型」的專業性，以下為一些常見搭配用語：

  1. “Undergo significant transformation”
  2. “Experience marked changes in…”
  3. “Be expanded to accommodate…”
  4. “Be replaced by…”
  5. “In contrast to its original layout, …”
  6. “Remain relatively unchanged”
  7. “Undergo modernization/renovation”

第九區塊：原文中的錯誤文法與改正理由、範例
以下為您原文的主要錯誤示例(僅截取明顯處)，左側為原文句子(或片段)，右側為改正句子，並附上原因與範例：

    • 原文：「Overall, it is clear that to make yogurt, what we need which is to follow the order…」
    • 改正：「Overall, it is clear that in order to make yogurt, it is necessary to follow the order…」
    • 原因：原句結構混亂、重複(“what we need which is to…”不自然)。重新組織後更流暢。
    • 範例：「Overall, it is clear that in order to produce yogurt, the steps must be followed in sequence.」
    • 原文：「Looking the diagram more closely」
    • 改正：「Looking at the diagram more closely」
    • 原因：介系詞「at」不可省略。
    • 範例：「Looking at the diagram more closely, one can see multiple steps involved in yogurt production.」
    • 原文：「The temperature of yogurt which stops at 7 celsius is called ‘formentation’.」
    • 改正：「The temperature of yogurt, which is set at 7°C, is part of the ‘fermentation’ process.」
    • 原因：1) 單字拼寫錯誤，“formentation”→“fermentation”。
      2) 原句關係子句較混亂，需要重新組織。
    • 範例：「During fermentation, the yogurt is maintained at an appropriate temperature of 7°C.」
    • 原文：「Finally, pack the yogurt into the lines of glass bottles.」
    • 改正：「Finally, the yogurt is packaged into glass bottles.」
    • 原因：用被動語態描述流程更符合Academic風格；“lines of glass bottles”可以直接說成“glass bottles”或“bottles on a production line”。
    • 範例：「Finally, the finished yogurt is packaged into bottles for distribution.」
    • 原文：「As we see, those are the whole process to produce yogurt.」
    • 改正：「Overall, these are the essential steps required to produce yogurt.」
    • 原因：語氣更正式，避免口語化的“As we see”。
    • 範例：「Overall, these are the fundamental stages involved in making yogurt.」

第十區塊：根據原文、保留原意進行改進與擴充之後的範文
以下為一篇約可達6.5分水準的改寫示例：

The diagram illustrates four main stages in the production of yogurt.

Overall, it is apparent that in order to produce yogurt, the process must follow a strict sequence, starting with heating the milk mixture and ending with cooling and packaging.

Looking at the diagram more closely, one can see that the first stage involves pouring milk, stabilizers, and dry milk powder into a hygienic stainless steel vessel. The mixture is then heated to 85°C to eliminate harmful bacteria. Subsequently, it is homogenized to ensure a smooth consistency, before being cooled down to around 42°C.

At this point, cultures are introduced into the cooled mixture. The temperature is carefully maintained, and this phase is referred to as ‘fermentation.’ During this stage, the mixture is kept at a controlled temperature of about 7°C to allow beneficial bacteria to develop the distinct flavor and texture of yogurt.

Finally, once the fermentation process is complete, the yogurt is packaged into glass bottles or containers. This step ensures the product is ready for distribution and consumption. Overall, these stages highlight how yogurt is produced through a combination of heating, cooling, and bacterial culture management.

此範文：

  • 使用了更豐富的詞彙(“eliminate harmful bacteria,” “smooth consistency,” “beneficial bacteria”)。
  • 結構更嚴謹(Overall → First stage → Second stage → Final packaging)。
  • 句與句之間具連貫性(“Looking at the diagram more closely…Subsequently…At this point…Finally”)。

第十一區塊：對「有cotemplative能力的LLM」之指令邏輯的探討與更明確表達方式

  1. 指令邏輯是否能幫助以繁體中文為母語者提高成績？

    • 是的，因為此類指令一步步拆解了IELTS評分標準，並以模組化方式針對「詞彙、片語、文法、結構」等面向提出建議。繁體中文母語者可以透過逐步檢視與比較原文與修改後的句式，迅速理解所需改善之處。

  2. 以語言學角度給予的建議？

    • 建議在指令中明確要求更有系統的語料分析(例如：常見的句型結構、學生易犯的中式英文錯誤、常用高分動詞與名詞片語)，並可輔以示例與詞性分析，讓學習者能理解「為什麼要這樣改」。

  3. 可以如何修正或增添指令，使LLM能更有效幫助改善作文？

    • 在指令中可明確要求：「請列出可取代的單字與其詞性；請提供不同層次(如B1→B2→C1)的詞彙；請提供使用該單字的多個句型範例；請說明此修改在IELTS寫作中帶來的加分點。」
    • 若想更深入，可加上：「請以被動式和主動式各寫一個句子範例；請示範如何將某些關係子句或強調句型(如It is…that…)運用在文章描述上；請提供使用條件句的示例。」

  4. 對於本次的指令，LLM是否有疑惑或覺得模糊之處？

    • 整體指令已相當清晰，逐區塊明確列出需求。若要進一步確保LLM理解，可在指令中再強調：「請使用繁體中文回覆；請每個區塊依序標示；請避免竄改段落原意；請盡量以官方IELTS評分標準去回應。」
    • 這樣能讓LLM更精準掌握使用者需求，並符合繁體中文母語者在學習及檢索關鍵資訊時的偏好。

總而言之，這種「分塊、細分目標」的指令結構對提升IELTS寫作相當有幫助，也能讓使用者更有系統地知道如何優化自己文章的用字、文法、結構與流暢度。祝寫作順利，早日達到6.5分或更高的成績!

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